Badgers
by Kyle Vannurt
Summary: A spoof of the Harry Chapin song "Sniper"


It is an early  
Monday morning  
The Badgers Are Coming   
To take back their land  
  
No one was watching  
As they came a stalkin'  
Nobody knew  
What trouble would brew  
  
-It was really scary,  
Hard to put to words.  
It was so horrific,  
They ate all my birds.-  
  
They reached the first house  
No one was in it.  
They hit the second house  
No one was home.  
  
By the time they reached the third house  
They were having a fit.  
And because of the rabies  
Their saliva had turned to foam.  
  
They looked at the suburb  
Where they had once lived.  
They looked at the people  
Who had taken their land.  
  
It was clear that the humans  
Had worn out their welcome.  
They would take back their homes  
The time was at hand.  
  
-They came without warning  
In the middle of the night.  
But we will get through this  
If we try with all our might.-  
  
"Go away!" he yelled.  
"Get off me!" he yelled.  
"Please spear me!" he yelled.  
But they just killed him.  
With the same sharp claws  
And ravenous teeth  
In his home.  
In his home.  
All alone.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
They laid out the riffles  
They loaded the shotgun.  
They stacked up the cartridges along the walls.  
They knew they would need them for their own protection.  
If it went as they planned  
Then they wouldn't use them at all.  
  
They said, "Listen you people  
It is important you listen  
The badgers are here and some of us are missin'  
And we must leave right now.  
  
Are They?  
They are a group  
That we cannot fight.  
Are They?  
If we do  
We will be shunned  
Are They?  
By the animal  
Rights activists  
They might not  
Let us live!  
  
The first thing they did  
Took the suburb by surprise  
One got Mark Tompson  
And gouged out his eyes.  
  
It flew through the window  
Pinned him against the floor  
Now that he was dead  
The badger ran out the door.  
  
-They were really creepy  
Also intriguing  
I killed one at the corner bar  
I never hated one of them at all  
Not one  
Not at all!-  
  
Craig Williams was questioned  
As he stepped from his car.  
Mike Smith went across the street  
But he never got that far.  
  
Animal control was there in minutes  
To setup barricades.  
But the badgers crawled on threw them  
In a two mile circle  
In a dumb struck suburb  
Their killing and rabies were sprayed.  
  
They knocked over Charles Wilson  
As he ran towards the door  
Just about then  
The trucks were coming   
Sweet sweet joy.  
  
Fun in the suburb  
Houses like canyon walls  
Killing everyone in sight  
As they ran through the halls.  
  
37 people  
Got their message so far  
Yes they were reaching them  
Right where they are.  
  
They started evacuations  
They asked for volunteers  
They had to leave the suburb   
That much was clear.  
  
And the word spread about them  
So that everyone could hear.  
In an appropriately sober tone they asked,  
"Why are they here?"  
  
They're coming to get us  
They don't want to let us  
Stay on their land too long.  
  
It's getting on noon now  
It's going to be soon now  
In an hour we'll all be gone.  
  
Badgers,  
Why have you come here?  
Won't you please  
Leave us all alone?  
  
Badgers,  
It is getting worse for us.  
Won't you please  
Just go back to your homes?  
  
Badgers,  
Yes we curse you.  
And we never will  
Forgive you for your killing.  
We hate you.  
  
The trucks all leaving right now  
And they'll keep going out of the town.  
Soon we'll be there  
Wherever it is  
We all know one thing  
We're all going to live.  
  
As the trucks dropped the gas  
We shouted, "We're here!"  
But everyone knew  
The badgers were still near  
Climb back in the truck  
Movin' on again  
With one final go at it  
They left right then  
  
Are They?  
There is no way  
You can keep up with us.  
  
Are They?  
Though we have put  
A fire inside you.  
  
Are They?  
You've made your point  
Now leave us all alone.  
  
We were  
You are  
And now,  
We will be.  
We will be 


End file.
